February 28 Recreation

What is recreation? Najendra says "assembling what is available and trying to go beyond." The difference between repetition and recreation? the first doesn't imply new direction or any thought.
Dr. R demonstrates:
"What makes you grumpy?" She asks Keith.
He talks about McD's and the children running around there like wild things.
Dr. R. listens, and speaks it back.
She apologizes as a human that he underwent that- making sure he knew she heard him.
She makes no judgement but speaks what he hasn't said- "languaging the unsaid"
"Wherever you are speaking from is where you are listening from," she says.
Najendra- "by recreating we say what is rendered unspeakable by existing grammar."
We are asked to describe what she has done. We try. She says she will show us again. Next up is intrepid Darcy.
"What are you grumpy about?"
"Lack of sleep."
"Can you tell me a particular incident?"
"This week."
"Say more."
Darcy speaks. When she stops, Dr. R asks if that is all, and waits. Darcy goes deeper. This happens several times. At the end Darcy is crying, but it is healing tears.
Dr. R tells her that she is wonderful. At this point, she steps out of the recreation to give Darcy some tools for making life bearable- make a list of all your problems so you can sleep, for example. "Writing something down gives your mind a place to put it." (This makes me wonder aobut illiterate people and cultures. Where do they get to put the things in their minds?)
I described this process as breakdown and buildup. Dr. R. had her go deep into what was going on. It was very therapuetic.
Dr. R outlined the process of Recreation for us.
1. Get permission- "May I?" "Would you be willing to say more?"
Make sure they know: You don't want anything from them, you are not a threat, there is no judgement.
2. Repeat back what they said, exactly the way they said it.
Give them permission go correct you. "GET their world."
3. Capture the emotional experience of that person.
"underneath anger is hurt". Listen and be there. Start to get their logic.
4. Background Commitment
What is this person's committment? (Keith's was that everyone was heard.) What is driving them? What makes this important in the first place?
Options: Clean things up if needed. Apologize. Ask if you can give an idea.
LEAVE THE PERSON WITH THE BEST OF THEMSELVES. (Himself or herself).
This was a very moving class. First, the courage of Keith and Darcy was immense. Darcy laid it all out for us, but I think there was a relief in knowing that we just cared about her.
I saw that I am quick to try to fix. I thought about a couple of weeks ago when someone came to talk to me about something that was bothering him, and I laid what I'd learned that week on him, but heavy. He should try treating that person in a new way, shifting his position so that she would have to shift hers. I could tell he didn't want to hear me. Then I felt like he was avoiding me. So after this class I called him and apologized that I hadn't just listened, that I had tried to fix.